It’s been only six years since Anoop and Vineetha got married. They have two children. Like many other couples, the early days of their marriage were beautiful. Small disagreements – but they saw them merely as opportunities to grow in love. Once Anoop realized that Vineetha was someone who could get upset or hurt even over trivial matters, he considered it his responsibility to resolve any quarrel. Vineetha enjoyed it immensely when Anoop would say sorry and make up after a fight.
After some time, Anoop started rethinking: Why is it always him who has to compromise? Why is it always him who must say sorry? Why is it always him who has to take the blame? These questions took root in his mind. Eventually, he began to avoid making up after arguments. He became hesitant to apologize for things that weren’t his fault. He insisted that compromises should not be one-sided. Slowly, their married life became increasingly difficult. Vineetha never once tried to realize her own mistakes. She was not willing to accept her faults. She always blamed Anoop for everything. In the end, she filed for divorce, accusing her husband of constant mental harassment.
What’s written here is a small reflection of a situation that is repeated in many families. There are numerous husbands and wives who never realize their own faults, blindly declare their partner to be the cause of every issue, and constantly justify themselves. These are the people who destabilize family life. Excluding serious problems like alcoholism, drug abuse, or extramarital affairs, most problems in married life have shared responsibility. Sometimes one partner may bear more of the burden, and the other less – that’s the only difference. In some cases, one partner may be solely responsible.
In the story mentioned above, Vineetha was never ready to acknowledge her faults. She believed herself to be one hundred percent perfect. Moreover, the fact that Anoop always apologized helped her further justify herself. She thought that if Anoop apologized every time, it must be because he was at fault. What she failed to see was that Anoop took the blame and said sorry simply to avoid hurting her and to keep her happy. She missed the fact that his willingness to shoulder the blame was a sign of his love for her.
Saying sorry or compromising is not proof that someone is guilty. Rather, it reveals the greatness and maturity of that person’s heart. Do not make someone else’s apology a reason to self-justify. In family life, it is not good that one person is always crucified while the other is always justified. Compromises should come from both sides. Unfortunately, many couples are like Pontius Pilate – they wash their hands and say, “I am entirely right. All the blame is on my partner.” This mindset leads to repeated accusations, and then thoughts like Anoop’s begin to arise: Why should I be the one to always take the blame? Why should I be the one to always apologize? Such thoughts disturb the peace of family life.
To safely anchor the boat of married life, both sides must row together. Therefore, compromises must come from both sides.
