When children fail to become what parents desire or drift away in disobedience, it deeply wounds the hearts of fathers and mothers. Most parents react by losing their temper and resorting to punishment when they discover their children’s mistakes. However, Saint John Bosco teaches that this is not true parenting.
The saint, who guided countless young people along the right path, firmly believed that transformation should be achieved through love, not punishment. Only when children understand that they are loved do even corrective measures become healing. For a child who feels unloved, punishment feels like violence.
Many parents physically punish children for their misbehavior, but Don Bosco strongly opposed this practice. He categorically rejected corporal punishment, observing that it destroys a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem. He believed that the soul cannot be purified through punishments that wound the heart. Another key principle he taught was that dialogue is more beneficial than punishment. Speak with the child: Why did you do this? What led to this situation? Instead of conducting a post-mortem on the fault, seek the cause behind it. This helps correct the child.
Even if a child commits a mistake, correction should never be public; it must remain private. Rebuking a child in front of others is equivalent to humiliation and can damage personality development. Children often repeat mistakes-they fall and rise again-but they should never be rejected. Parents should ask themselves: How many times have we fallen? Are our children really more guilty than we are?
Never lose hope in your children because of their mistakes. Lift them up with trust, relying on God’s grace. Another path is to lead children to God by cultivating prayer. Encourage them to trust in prayer. Above all, what matters most is the exemplary life of parents themselves. Strive to live as role models before your children-Saint Don Bosco reminds us.
