An incident that took place during my tenure as a parish priest remains vividly etched in my memory even after many years. One of the earliest services I conducted in the parish was a memorial Mass for the first death anniversary of a middle-aged man. After the Mass, I proceeded to his house for prayers. Once the prayers and meals were over, the deceased man’s wife approached me privately, saying she had something to share. As she spoke, she began to weep.
The incident was as follows: On the night before her husband’s death, they had gone to bed after a quarrel. Unable to bring themselves to speak to each other, they slept in silence, turning away from one another. At dawn, the wife woke up and went to the kitchen to do her chores. When she didn’t see her husband getting up at his usual time to prepare for work, she started speaking to him angrily from the kitchen.
She accused him of being irresponsible, indifferent to her and their children, and lazy. When he did not respond, she decided to confront him directly. It was only when she approached him that she realized he was lying there lifeless.
The post-mortem report confirmed that he had died due to cardiac arrest. Overcome with grief, the woman told me, “Father, I know that death is inevitable for everyone, but the way my husband passed away is something I cannot bear. It has broken me completely. Not only did I not get a chance to reconcile with him before he died, but I also disrespected him even after he had passed away. The pain of that realization is unbearable. My heart has no peace. Father, please pray specially for me.”
Listening to her, I experienced a deep moment of reflection. My thoughts went back to the many times I, too, had been harsh with people. I remembered situations where conflicts had lasted for weeks or even months.
But after this incident, my perspective changed. Now, whenever I feel upset with someone, I immediately go to my spiritual father to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It helps me forgive from the heart, and I feel immense relief. It is a deeply spiritual experience.
The Gospel reminds us of this truth. Jesus teaches: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15).
I have come across people who hold on to hatred, saying they will never forgive, even after death. This includes husbands and wives, parents and children, siblings, and others. Such resentment is a form of demonic temptation.
The Holy Spirit urges us to forgive, whereas the evil spirit tells us not to. When we forgive, pray, and love, we experience true inner joy. We must follow the example Jesus set in His own life. Even as He was crucified by those who falsely accused Him, He forgave them.
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
Reconciliation is an essential aspect of a worthy and holy offering of the Eucharist. The opening hymn of the Mass conveys this truth: Let us be reconciled and prepare a new altar.
Let us reflect on the words of St. Paul: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27).
Bishop Sebastian Vaniyapurakal
